Betrayal
by vipper902
Summary: After Inuyasha finds out that Kagome hasn't exactly been faithful, he ends up doing something that he may regret for the rest of his life.
1. Finding Out

**Disclaimer: Me? Own Inuyasha? No way!**

**A/N: Well...err...I don't know where this came from. I have been wanting to write a really bloody, violent, sad, angsty, depressing, romance-ish sort of fic where I drive at least one person crazy and kill off some other characters. Lovely ain't it?**

**Warnings: This is rated R for language, violence, adult situations, and character death. For those of you who have a problem with a major/minor character dying, Fluffy, Sango, Hojo, Koga, Kagome or someone like that, then I wouldn't recommend this story. I would also like to say that not all stories have a happy ending.**

**The entire story is Inuyasha's Point of View (told from his point).**

Betrayal

Chapter One: Finding Out

**Present Tense**

No. Not her. I couldn't have...I wouldn't...I didn't.

I did.

I begin to wash my hands furiously. Damn it. The scent of her blood is all over me. It covers me. I can't believe...I can't believe...

Pathetic. I can't even bring myself to _think _it. My stomach feels like it's turning itself inside out, and my throat is already burning. I'm going to vomit again, probably for the hundredth time this morning.

Blood. Blood. All I can smell is blood. All I can taste, all I can see, all I can fucking hear is blood. Everywhere. Smothering me.

And I like it.

And I hate it.

I pull my hands out of the water, studying my claws. They are still red. The scent of it wafts to my nose and I growl. I flex my hands, and suddenly the memory of flesh ripping between my fingers, the feeling of tearing human bone apart makes itself known to me.

Oh Kami...what have I done?

**Past Tense**

"You guys!" I groaned, letting the pink bike and yellow bag slide off of my shoulders and onto the dirt. "Carry your own damn bike! My arm is killing me!"

Heavy sighs echoed from everyone in the group. Sango glanced at me, shaking her head as a small smile appeared on her lips. Miroku, seeing his opportunity and letting the more hentai part of his mind- the only part that ever works properly around Sango- take over, reached over to grope her. Her eyes widened and her face heated with a deep blush. Stuttering something, she lifted her hand and slapped him hard across the face, leaving a hand print on his cheek. Served him right, the damned horny monk.

Kagome just shook her head and smiled softly at them. She always thought they were 'cute'. _I_ thought they were disgusting. She began walking over to me, that same smile on her face and she kneeled down in front of my sitting form.

"Tired?" she asked softly.

I narrowed my golden eyes at her. "No," I snarled defensively. "It's just that..." I trailed off, looking down at my right arm.

She reached out, her touch feather light against my haori. "It's still aching from having to lift Tetsusiga isn't it?" she questioned me.

I nodded. "It's not my fault that stupid old man made my sword to heavy," I said.

"Don't worry so much Inuyasha," she said. "Soon you'll be able to wield it with one arm, like you used to do."

"Well I know that," I barked.

"Good," she said with a sweet smile. "Now stop complaining and come on. We've got a lot of ground together if we're going to reach that village before any other demons get there."

She patted my head, gently raking her fingers over my ears, causing me to shiver slightly. I cursed her naivety; if only she had known how sensitive my ears were. Maybe she wouldn't have touched me so freely. Being careful not to hit her injured arm, she tried to grab her bag. It slipped through her fingers, causing various items to fall out. She cursed softly under her breath and quickly began stuffing things back inside. I grabbed something, a piece of paper, and put it back inside. When I looked back up at her she was blushing, her face even redder than Sango's had been when Miroku was letting his famous wandering hands...well...wander.

I blinked her, not at all understanding why she was nervous. Then I realized it must have been that piece of paper I picked up. I pondered what it could have been for a moment. Since she was so nervous, I figured it must be important, something I wasn't supposed to see.

I had to get that paper.

It was only natural that I was curious. I was so curious, in fact, that instead of just grabbing her bag and pouring everything out so that I could find the paper again, I began plotting instead.

Now, I know, I'm not really the plotting type. But this was Kagome. I didn't want her to be angry with me. For one, I hated it when we fought; she would always insult me, then sit me, then go home, and then I would have to be without her for a while again. I decided it was better if I just found out what it was in private so we could avoid a conflict. I decided to wait until everyone was out.

"Thanks," she murmured.

The houshi then walked over, still rubbing his stinging cheek and muttering something about hormonal demon slayer's under his breath. I chuckled when Sango threw a rock at his head, yelling that she _could _hear him. He laughed nervously and tried to give her that charming please-don't-hurt-me look. With the same smile, he picked up Kagome's bag, swinging it over his shoulders and also picking up the bike. She thanked him and we continued on our way to the village.

Kagome had detected a jewel shard a few days earlier. Rumor had it that a large deer had ransacked a village. A small militia managed to bring it down, and found a small piece of the Shikon jewel embedded in it's neck. If that was true, then it was one more shard we could add to our collection.

I glanced back, making sure that Kagome was all right. It looked like her arm had been bothering her lately. Ever since Kohaku had wounded her with his weapon, she had been acting strangely. I wanted to kill that boy for daring to hurt her, but I couldn't. He did still have a human heart, and he was Sango's younger brother; I just couldn't bring myself to kill him.

Of course, I would have never admitted that to any of the rest of them. I know that Kagome could tell why I didn't kill Kohaku. She always did have a way of seeing right through me. Stupid wench. I hated the way she could do that. The way she could just _look _at me and know everything that I was feeling. It irked me, yet I was so oddly comforted by it. When I was with her, I never had to hide.

I never knew exactly what she was feeling. She was a strange one, Kagome. Always acting happy, like everything was all right. Even when Kikyo had stolen her jewel shards she had still refused to admit that it had been her. I wished that I had known her like she knew me. I just wanted to be able to read her like that, to be able to look into her eyes and know exactly how I could help her. She never let me get that close.

We were close. We were friends. Good friends. More then that. But I never knew the real her. I was to preoccupied. With the shards, with Naraku, with Kikyo, with my damn sword; I never got under her skin. Not like she did to me.

Before I knew it, day had turned to night. The sun that filled sky was suddenly dotted with brightly shinning stars. I was calmer at night. I don't know why, I just always had been. We stopped to make camp. We were in a hurry to get to the village, but we'd been traveling almost non-stop for the past three days. Miroku was still weak from gathering all of those poisonous insects, Sango was still heart broken from Kohaku, and Kagome was still hurt. And I was just cranky. I couldn't pick up my sword, couldn't fight, and had to deal with a group of whining nigens. Plus an annoying kit. I swear, sometimes traveling with all of them was a complete Hell.

After Kagome had whipped up some Ramen- I _loved _that stuff- she and Sango announced that they were going to see if they could find some type of spring or lake to bathe in, and that if they saw Miroku anywhere near them, there would be blood spilt.

That was my perfect opportunity. They would take Shippo with them, and even with their threats, Miroku would never pass up a chance to see both of them naked; even if he _was_ already injured.

Kagome gathered all of her bathing supplies and she, Shippo, and Sango left. About five minutes afterwards, the hentai also known as Miroku went after them.

I eyed the yellow bag warily. Scanning my golden eyes around the camp ground, I lunged at, quickly gathering it. I crawled over to a small hiding place behind a rock. Laughing manically- but very quietly so that no one would hear me of course- I poured out the bag's contents.

There was some weird shit in that bag.

Packets of Ramen- yum!- as well as some other food items. There was a book with Algebra written on it. That, as I found out, was _not _food. It was hard and papery and just plain _nasty. _There was a necklace. I held it up and it shined in the moonlight. There was a small charm on it, an Angel I think. Also, there was a change of clothes. At least, I _think _they were clothes. They were small, smaller then what Kagome usually wore.

A sparkling black thing. It was like a kind of tube of fabric. I stared it. I even attempted to put it one, which wasn't a very pretty sight. There was also one of those skirts, but it was different then the one Kagome wore all of the time. It was red, sparkling like the other..._thing. _There were some weird sandals in there too. Not really sandals, more like torture devices. They were small and had spikes on the end. They were at least five inches tall and only half an inch wide. I was confused. Very, very confused.

Then I found a piece of paper. It wasn't the one I had grabbed earlier. It was folded strangely and had small flowers and stars drawn on it. '4 Ur Eyes Only' was written in bold on the top of it. Shrugging, I opened it and held up to the moon light, trying my best to read it.

_Dear Kagome,_

_What's up? How's it going? Haven't seen you around school lately. Your grandfather said you had pneumonia. I really hope you get better. My mom is sending you over her homemade soup; it's the best medicine this side of __Tokyo__. Anyway, as sorry as I am, your sickness isn't what this letter is about. As you probably know, this new club, Illusions, opened up a few weeks ago. There is going to be this really awesome rave there Saturday night. I was thinking maybe we could go together. My brother has been nagging me to show him this girlfriend of mine, so I'm really hoping you can make it. _

_Get well soon, __Hojo._

_P.S. Thanks for going to the movies with me last night. I'm still really sorry for getting us caught by the ushers; you're just so kissable. I hope to see you Saturday._

I stared at the letter in my hand. I didn't think about the pneumonia, or what a rave was, or even what a movie was. The last line was what kept repeating over in my mind.

_You're just so kissable._

Kissable. Kissable. Kissable.

_I hope to see you Saturday._

Kissable. Kissable. Kissable.

She...must have...kissed this...Hojo guy.

It took a while for this to sink in. Kagome was some boy's girlfriend, whatever in the hell that was. And she had been going out with him. And she had been _kissing _him. I looked back down at the clothes which I held in my hands. Growling softly, I began searching through the rest of the items on the ground.

No my mind screamed. This can't be right. Kagome couldn't be with someone else. We were together weren't we? At least, that's what I thought. After she had seen me with Kikyo, she had come back, and had said all those things. Hadn't that meant that we were together?

I found the piece of paper that I'd put back in her bag earlier that day. It wasn't really paper. It was a strange type of thing, with some kind of image on the front of it. There was a brown haired boy dressed in a blue uniform. There was a raven haired girl sitting in his lap, smiling down at him happily. Their faces hung only inches from each other's, as if they were about to kiss.

I felt like I was going to retch. It was Kagome and probably that Hojo boy.

I didn't know who I was going to kill first.

**A/N: Well, that is it for the first chapter. Hope it didn't confuse anyone. That is if anyone is reading it. Um...yah. This well probably be a really short story. Maybe four or five chapters long. Reviews and HELPFUL criticism are**

**welcomed and appreciated, but flamers beware! I know that Inuyasha is a bit OOC in this story, but it is important that he's kind of on the crazyish side. Please review!**


	2. The Sting

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha...because if I did...things would be...different.**

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**A/N: I've noticed that I have a tendency to drive Inuyasha insane. Queer, wouldn't you agree? Oh well. Thank you all for taking the five seconds to review! I would have updated sooner but I don't get to get on my home computer a lot. Thanks again!**

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Betrayal

Chapter Two: The Sting

Breath I told myself. Just remember to breath. I clenched my fists so hard that my claws dug into my skin and warm blood began pouring down my palms. Kagome was cheating on me with some wimp from her own time. Well, I suppose it wasn't cheating unless we were actually together. But weren't we? I loved her.

Or I loved Kikyo.

Or I loved them both.

Damn it I knew I loved somebody.

I was so confused then. I didn't understand. There was jealousy. Kami, I was so angry that all I could see was red. It stung. It wasn't like with Kikyo. What she had done to me was worse. What Kagome had done stung so much more then an arrow in my chest. It was an arrow in my heart. Twisting and turning and bleeding.

How could she? How in the hell could she? I gave up Kikyo for her. I was going to give up becoming a full fledged demon for her. Didn't she understand what that meant? I was giving it all up for _her_ and she went and started going out with this guy?

Could it have been a trick? I hadn't smelt any strange scents on her. Although, she was a smart girl, maybe she'd had the sense to wash him off of her. All I could feel was the familiar pain of betrayal, only it was so much worse.

I loved Kagome. I really did. I loved her more than Kikyo. I loved her more than _anything_. I had allowed myself to trust her completely, to feel for her and to never hold back. I had never loved so freely when it had come to Kikyo. And then she went and...she did that...she had to go to him.

It could have been worse I told myself. She could have been with Sesshomaru, or Naraku, or Miroku, or Koga. Well, how did I know she wasn't fucking them on the side too?

I mentally slapped myself. How could I think of her like that? Not my sweet Kagome. She was so kind, so giving, so generous. I couldn't think that about her. There had to be some reasonable explanation.

She had a twin.

An evil, bitchy whore of a twin who was pretending to be her and went traipsing around with different men just to ruin her reputation. I wished I could have thought that; wished I could have believed that. But I couldn't because it wasn't true.

Kagome was with Hojo. She didn't love me.

Maybe she did love me. But if she did, then why wasn't she with me? Hadn't I made it clear that I loved her?

That's it I thought. I hadn't shown her that I loved her enough. All I had to do was find someway to prove it to her, then she would leave this Hojo baka and be with me. It was a very simple plan.

Or...I could go to her time and kill this Hojo baka. Now, I wasn't stupid, I knew that wouldn't really solve anything, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Before I got to act, the sound of voices, screams, slaps, and feet pounding against the ground reached my sensitive ears. I quickly stuffed everything back in the back, wrinkling my nose in disgust when I touched the clothes, note, and image of Kagome and Hojo.

"Hentai!" Sango yelled, bopping Miroku on the head. I followed the movements with my eyes for a few moments, simply amazed at the fact that his neck wasn't breaking.

"Perverted lecherous no-good womanizing baka monk!"

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."

Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down.

I shook my head. I was starting to get dizzy and that was not what I needed right now. Kagome walked over. She was glaring at Miroku, her eyes narrowed and dark with a bit of mirth in them. Shippo blinked at the two. I could tell he was just as perplexed as I as to how Miroku could survive the beating he was getting. But, he was, and it was rather funny, so he just giggled and jumped off Kagome's shoulder.

Her hair was still wet. The sliver's of moonlight fell on it, making it look so beautiful in the night. She smiled at me and sat down next to me, reaching for her bag. I panicked, hoping that she wouldn't notice that I had gone through it. She didn't seem to. She kept humming some song underneath her breath.

"What are you singing?" I asked her. Why the hell were you with that boy, is what I wanted to ask. You have some explaining to do bitch, is what I wanted to say.

She looked up from her bar of chocolate. After taking another big bite, she began wrapping the top up in foil. She looked back up at me, and for a moment I wanted to break her neck. For a moment I wanted to hold her and listen to her heart beat and tell her how much I did love her. The only thing I could do was put my hand on my lips, signaling that she had chocolate all over her face. Her pale cheeks went a deep red with embarrassment. She began to wipe the remains off feverishly. I smiled and shook my head when she asked if she'd gotten it all off.

"Get it off for me," she whined, her voice rising almost to a panicked tone.

I froze. Touch her? She wanted me to touch her? Inwardly I growled. I didn't _want _to touch her, knowing that Hojo guy had probably had his hands all over her before she came here. She said my name, pulling me out of my thoughts. I wanted to say something, but all I did was lift my hand and wipe off her cheeks, ignoring her blush and the way her skin was so smooth against my fingertips.

She smiled, nodded her head, and blushed even more. Her gaze went down to the ground and she looked as if she were deep in thought.

"Kagome," I said, gaining her attention. "What were you singing?"

"Oh. It was just a song I can't get out of my head," she answered.

"What?" I pressed. I wanted to talk to her, but the one thing that was weighing on me heavily wouldn't come out. My brain and my mouth weren't working together correctly. I swear, it was some type of conspiracy the way my body never did what I told it to around her.

"Iris," she said. "By the Goo Goo Dolls."

Even though I didn't ask her to, she began to sing it. I didn't really want to hear the song. I was just confused and hurting. I needed time to think.

_"And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cuz I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now  
  
And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cuz sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am.__"_

It was a nice song, I'll admit that. It was short and haunting. It stuck with me. She smiled at me, and I saw her eyes. They were glassy, shining, and I could tell she was about to cry. Was she thinking about me? Was she thinking about Hojo and her betrayal? Was she sad that she had chosen him? Did she even care anymore?

Gods it hurt. It was like a knife, stabbed in my heart, and I was bleeding right in front of her. And all she did was turn away. She wouldn't look me in the eyes for so long. Who did she see when she looked at me? At first, when I looked into her eyes, I saw Kikyo. I saw the woman who I had loved and who had pinned me to a tree for the past fifty years. Over time, I began to see Kagome. I began to see a young girl who had a pure heart, who was willing to give up everything for others, who was sweet and kind and beautiful. And then I saw Kagome.

Yes, she was a young girl, but she wasn't pure. None of us are. In the end, all of us, even those who are kind and untouched, will not be innocent. Blood will stain us, scars will mar us, burns will still sting when they are touched; we're all jaded and guilty in the end.

I decided I wasn't going to say anything. The next time she went home, I would follow her. I would meet this Hojo myself. I would find a way to show Kagome how much I loved her. And Kami, I swear it, I did love her. I knew I still loved Kikyo, but this was so much _deeper. _It had to be; it hurt so much worse.

"Sango..." I hear Shippo say softly. "I don't think Miroku bends that way."

"AH!"

"Or...I guess he _does_."

"Sango," Miroku cried desperately. "I'm sorry! I swear, I'll never grope you again!"

"Then what was _that _monk!"

"Um...That was the last time I promise please don't hurt me I swear I'll be good! No! Don't! That _hurts_!"

"Good!"

"Ah...ouch...ow...ah...oh...hey...that feels kind of...good..."

"You pervert!"

The sound of Sango dropping everyone's favorite lecher on the ground echoed. Well, at least it did to me. With a satisfied smile on her face, she clapped her hands together, then came over to the campfire. With a sigh she sat down.

"Dinner anyone?" she questioned sweetly, holding out a bowl of Ramen.

I blinked at her. I think she had just rearranged Miroku's bones and now she was asking if we wanted food?

Sango was a really great girl. She was strong; both physically and emotional. And she made some damn good Ramen. I took it and nodded her head. Miroku managed to limp back over to us. He sat beside me, away from Sango, even though he kept sneaking looks at her when she wasn't busy sneaking looks at him. I nearly groaned. Those two took so long to admit their feelings for one another. That night was especially annoying, since Sango kept going on about how he was a lecher who couldn't be trusted alone with anything female. Miroku scowled at her, but secretly, I knew what he was thinking. What made it worse was I could smell his arousal. He got like that every damn time she would touch him, whether it was to beat the shit out of him or not. He was pathetic.

I was pathetic too. I got all flustered like that around Kagome. I couldn't help it. She was the beautiful woman that I loved, and every time she touched me, or I touched her, I just wanted to embrace her and hold her forever. It was sad but true. I was a little love sick puppy, following her around. Her personal lap dog.

She didn't see it, didn't realize everything I was doing for her. Well, I decided, she would soon.

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**A/N: Well, that's it for this chapter. It was great, right? More Inuyasha insanity, whoo! Um...yeah. Review please and make an idiot's DER!**

**Inuyasha- Don't you mean day?  
You're running the moment. By the way, I don't own the Goo Goo Dolls or thier song...I just have some wierd obsession for it...**

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	3. Confrintation

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, nor shall I ever!**

**A/N: Thank you everyone who reviewed the last chapter, you guy's are great! All right kiddies, this chapter deals with sexual themes, character death, bad language, and minor Inuyasha insanity. Whoo-hoo!**

**Inuyasha- You're a real freak, you know that?**

**Yes!**

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Betrayal

Chapter Three: Confrintation

She finally went home. I guess it was this Saturday that she was always talking about. We hadn't got to the village yet, but she said that she had this major exam, and that she had faith in us to get the jewel shard ourselves.

It was a load of shit and I knew it. I didn't say anything because I needed her to leave. It had been three days since I found out about she and Hojo. I hadn't said anything, hadn't even let on that I knew. Miroku and Sango were hesitant about her leaving, and I put up my usual fuss. I couldn't let them knew that I wanted her to leave. Then they -slow as they are sometimes- would realize that there was something wrong.

She promised she would be back in two days. Two days with her precious Hojo. Kami I hated him as much as I hated Naraku. He was a lot like Naraku, that's what I thought at the time. Alike but different. Both of them had destroyed whatever chance of happiness I'd had with the woman I loved; only Hojo had done it unknowingly. And, unlike with Kikyo, it wasn't all of his fault.

Kagome was at fault too. She was the one who was with him. And it didn't seem like she was complaining, at least not in that image I saw of them.

I drove them like a slave driver, but we got to the village within the day. They were all tired, complaining that I needed to stop being such a jackass and let them have a little rest now and then. They did have a jewel shard, and they were more then happy to give it to us. The town's elder, a man by the name of Mori, explained to us that he had heard stories of what had happened to people who had possessed shards of the sacred jewel. He said that he did not wish for any tragedy to fall upon the village.

Smart guy, that Mori. Reminded me of Keade. Shippo said he thought they would make a nice couple. Keade, part of a couple? That was just creepy. We spent the day in the village. Miroku claimed that there was a malevolent presence in one of the headmaster's homes, and, grateful for his services, the headmaster invited Miroku and the rest of us to stay with him for the night.

Shippo kept complaining about Kagome not being there. I was thinking over my plan. Or, lack-there-of as it was. I didn't know what to do really. I decided that I was just going to have to confront them like a grown adult and talk out our problems.

And pummel Hojo.

Yeah. Lot's of pummeling. Talking and pummeling. It would be great. I was nervous. My voice was shaking a bit when I told Miroku and Sango that I was going to go out for the night, and probably wouldn't be back until early morning. They were worried, of course. They thought I was going to go do something stupid. Well I was, but that wasn't any of their business.

I made it to the Bone Eaters Well in a flash. I moved faster then I had ever moved before. I flew over the trees, running as fast as my legs would carry me, even though they were shaking and felt like they would go numb any minute. When I got to the well I stood over it, just looking down. She was down there. She was with him. She was down there with him and I was going to go get her.

Cautiously, I lifted up my foot and placed on the side of the well. I wasn't sure if it would even hold me. My shoulders were weighed down and it felt like I had the weight of the world on me. Why was I feeling like that? It just hurt so much, and I couldn't take it. With a deep breath I finally jumped in.

The lights surrounded me. I felt so at peace when I was floating, because I knew that I was going to her. She calmed me. And yet she made me so angry. Sometimes I trembled with my rage. Then especially. My feet touched the ground and I landed. I jumped out and began sniffing the air, trying to see if she was there.

The scent of lilac and jasmine filled the air, with the underlying smells of anxiousness, sweat and sex. My growl echoed off of the sides of the small shrine. I sprinted to the doors, threw them open, and began running as quickly as I could. Within moments I was outside of Kagome's room.

I stared up at the windows for what seemed like an eternity. The moonlight reflected off of the trees, making shadows on the ground. Ignoring the soft moans that my acute hanyou hearing picked up, I starred at the shadows, watching the way they seemed to move across the dirt. It was like a small play. I could see anything I wanted to see in them.

I saw a monster. A lot of monsters. Clawing and snarling; attacking a group of villagers and tearing them to shreds. At any other time, such thoughts coming from my mind would have seemed disturbing and morbid. In that moment, I saw myself. I saw my claws outstretched, ready to tear out this Hojo guy's throat.

Against my will, I began to get down into a crouching position. My knees began to bend, and soon they were straight; soon I was jumping onto the window sill.

He was there. She was there. They were there. They were doing...things together. I didn't watch or anything. Kami, I'm not a hentai like the monk. I just patiently waited until they were done. I didn't have to wait long before their moaning and groaning ceased. I waited a while, listening to the two of them, my body getting tenser with every second which passed.

"Kagome," I heard someone say softly. I nearly growled at the sound of his voice.

"Mmm?" she asked him sleepily. I heard her yawn.

"Thanks for coming with me tonight."

"Why wouldn't I? I _am _your girlfriend now Hojo."

"Yeah, I know. It's just that...well...I know your busy a lot and..."

"I know," she interrupted, her voice taking on a slightly different tone. It was almost edged with guilt. Was she feeling remorse for what she was doing? I hoped she was. "And I'm sorry. But I promise that I'll be home a lot more now."

A lot more now? What did that mean? Was she going to leave me? Well, I guess, given the current situation, it was safe to say that she had _already _left me. She just hadn't told _me _about it.

There was the sound of rustling clothes. I heard them talking about something, I don't know what it was though. All I know is that Kagome giggled...a lot. She must have been happy. I peered through the window just to see Hojo turn and give her a bright smile, then sprint out of the room. Casting a quick glance at Kagome, I jumped down to the ground.

I wasn't really sure what I was going to do. Beat the shit out of this Hojo, that was for certain, but what else? I wanted to know...I wanted to know _why_. Why would she hurt me like this? What did he have to give her that I couldn't...that I _hadn't _given her already.

I followed behind him cautiously. Well...as cautiously as I could at least. Which, turns out, wasn't exactly what I was going for. I'd been following him for only five minutes before he jumped around. I could smell fear rolling off of him. His body was shaking slightly, and his voice was trembling just as much as he was.

"Who's there?" he called out, words cracking as he tried desperately to sound brave.

I snorted to myself as I jumped out from my hiding place. This guy was a total wimp! What could Kagome possibly see in him? He could never protect her from a youkai or anything even remotely dangerous. He wasn't even all that cute! He was pretty ugly, actually; if you ask _me _anyway. He had a mop of brown hair which clung to his face, and the weirdest outfit I've ever seen –well, not including Naraku's baboon costume and Koga's freaky mini skirt thing (Kagome's words...not mine.) He was wearing black pants that clung to his legs, and an even tighter black shirt. It was somewhat similar to what Kagome had in her bag.

He blinked at me, and there was a flicker of realization in his eyes, like, he _knew _who I was. But how could he? Had Kagome informed him that she was cheating? No...that couldn't have been it. It didn't matter, because within the moment that sense of familiarity that he'd had in his eyes was gone and replaced by confusion and fear. And it _excited _me. I hated it...but it did. He was afraid of me, and it gave me some sort of twisted rush.

"W-who are you? What do you want?" he questioned.

I narrowed my eyes at him. He didn't even know who I _was _and he was shaking with fear. Pathetic! He didn't deserve her.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I didn't know what to say. I mentally slapped myself. I should have planned something...damn it. I'd had it all thought it out up until the moment I caught the piece of filth that had taken my Kagome. My plans really sucked sometimes.

"Why the hell are you following me?" he screamed. His voice had gotten louder, and lost a slight edge of its nervousness. That bothered me. I growled low in my throat...the fear returned.

"You have something that belongs to me," I told him. Finally I thought, thoroughly relieved. I thought I'd lost my voice for a second there.

He stared in confusion, not at all understanding what I was talking about. Pitiful little baka. And people say that _I'm _slow.

"Kagome," he stated.

All right...so...maybe he wasn't as stupid as I thought he was.

"How did you..." I trailed off. My voice had decided to stop working again. Though, at that moment, I suppose I was somewhat glad. My question had been weak. I didn't want to seem weak to him.

"Y-your that Inuyasha guy, aren't you?"

To say I was shocked was an understatement. He _did _know who I was. The question was, how? Did Kagome tell him about me? Why...why would she do that? Why would she tell Hojo about me and not tell me about him?

The answer should have been obvious, considering what happened next. Kagome was afraid that if she told me, I would do something stupid, something brash, something...violent. Her fears weren't completely unfounded actually.

"You should go back to...wherever it is your from. She doesn't want to see you anymore. She doesn't want you at all. She doesn't need all of the stuff you keep putting her through. She doesn't..."

My fist reacted long before my brain did. Before I knew it one hand was smashing into his nose and my other went around his throat. His eyes were wide, shining with fear as he looked at me. He fought and thrashed around and screamed at the top of his lungs. It was annoying! The guy just couldn't let me tear him to pieces without attracting a crowd, could he?

I didn't even make my usual battle cry, you know the whole 'Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!' thing. His skin reminded me of butter; my claws just slid through his throat. His bones cracked, and the sound seemed to bounce off of the road in the empty alley way. I pulled my hand away. It was drenched in blood. It's not like I'd never had blood on my hands before; of course I had. It's not even like I'd never murdered someone in cold blood before; I'd done that too. But that was during my transformation.

Then, I could let go of some of the guilt. I felt remorse for killing like I had when I'd had my transformation into a full demon, but I could always delude myself by convincing myself that it wasn't completely my fault; I wasn't myself, I couldn't stop it. At that moment though, I wasn't transformed. I had just killed him, a defenseless, helpless, nigen wimp, and I had _enjoyed _it. Taking another life with my own hands. The feeling was...it was...

I felt sick. How could I have taken pleasure from destroying another life? I dropped him. I looked down at my hand, fearful of what I had just done. I looked around nervously. There was no one there, and I thanked Kami. Ignoring the conflicting feelings of guilt, sickness, and that twisting feeling of _accomplishment_, I picked up his lifeless body. I hid him behind some bushes, propping his body against a tree.

The rest was somewhat of a blur. I threw some leaves on him –great way to hide the dead body, I know- and ran back to the Bone Eaters Well. I could smell Kagome, and stopped momentarily outside of her room. Without thinking I jumped back up to the windowsill. I saw her. She was asleep in her bed. Her raven hair was spread out around her. There was a small, content smile on her face as she buried herself further into the covers.

"Kagome..." I whispered softly. "I love..."

I shook my head and jumped back down. I ran back into the small shrine where the Bone Eaters Well was located. The image of Hojo's eyes, how wide they were when I killed him, was still haunting me, even as I jumped into the well.

"Kagome...I love you," I said to myself. Without another word, I jumped back down into the well.

* * *

**Well, that's it for this chapter. (tear) It was so sad, wasn't it?**

**Inuyasha- Not really...I mean I killed that stupid Hojo...**

**Shut up! It was sad, all right? Please review, but no flames, because I believe I warned you at the first chapter that this was slightly...disturbing. Arigato for reading, you all rock! Ja ne!**


	4. Denial

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Inuyasha. (sigh) It's so unfair!**

**A/N: Wow! I can't believe people actually like this story! I'm so happy. A great, giant, big, fluffy huggle to everyone who has reviewed so far!**

**Hojo- A huggle? What the hell is a huggle?**

**Well actually it's the combination of a hug and a...hey wait a minute! I killed you! Err...I mean...Inu-kun did...why are you here?**

**Hojo- Um...(sweat drops)**

**There's like...limeish things in this chapter. And angst...and drama...lots of Inuyasha freaky-deaky angsty crazy-ish ramblings. Fun!**

* * *

Betrayal

Chapter Four: Denial

She didn't come back for three days. Three days without her, three days living with the guilt, three days of holding back wave after wave of self revulsion long enough to pretend to be pissed off at everyone who so much as _mentioned _her name. Kami it was Hell. But I knew that I deserved it.

And so much more for what I had done. I had killed, I had taken another life. Worst, I'd gotten pleasure from it. I guess it was somewhat ironic that I was feeling so guilty for killing; how many times had I destroyed life before, without so much as batting an eye lash? But it was never like that. He didn't even have a chance. There was no way he was going to be able to beat me. I almost felt...sorry for how pitiful was.

But was it really my fault? Did his death fall completely on my shoulders? No...no it didn't. There was blood on her hands too.

Wasn't there? If she had just stayed with me, Hojo would be alive. Maybe...even if she had just told me! It might not have been the easiest conversation in the world, but she could have done it. She could have done _something_. But no, she didn't do a damn thing at all! She snuck around and tried to hide it all from me. She was selfish and blind. It was her fault he was dead.

How could I have thought such horrible things about her? Kagome...my Kagome. She was _everything _to me. How could I think that she was the one who was at fault for cold blooded murder?

Because...because if I could convince myself, fool my mind into thinking that I did not bare this burden alone, it would be easier. To think that she too had destroyed another life, it made me feel better. Like, we had been responsible for his death together. We were morbidly connected; we shared that one disturbing flaw; we shared that one awful sin. In a sad, twisted way, we belonged together. We deserved to suffer through all of this guilt together, because we had _both _killed him.

For a while, I managed to convince myself of that. For three days I lived in my shadowed world of denial. For three days I was at peace with myself, because I could fool myself into believing that I wasn't a monster.

Then...she came back.

We were all sitting in Kaede's hut. Shippo was drawing something, while Miroku was being his usual perverted, hentai self and pestering the village girls to bare his children, and Sango beating him senseless whenever he did. I was simply lounging around, mentally running over the night I had killed Hojo for the millionth time since it had happened.

"Kagome!" I heard Shippo yelled happily. I whipped my head around to see the young kit stand up and run to her and jump up into her arms, quickly wrapping his small arms around her in a hug. I stared at her blankly, quietly taking in her appearance.

Her hair was pulled back into a low pony tail. It was full of tangles and it was greasy, with wisps of it falling over her eyes. Her skin was paler than usual. There were dark circles underneath her usually life-filled eyes; they were completely and utterly dead as she stared down at the kitsune who had attached itself to her. She was wearing a baggy dark blue sweater and loose black pants. Even grieving, I thought she was still beautiful.

I wasn't the only one to notice her appearance. Kaede, who had been fixing her stew and idly chatting about Kami only knows what –it's not like _I _was paying attention- stood up and approached her.

Gently, she removed Shippo from Kagome's arms and placed him on the ground. He looked up at them with large, innocent eyes and a worried expression on his young face.

"Shippo, ye leave us for a while. Kagome and I must speak," Kaede commanded softly.

He looked over at me. He searched me for answers, but I did nothing but stare at Kagome and Kaede. Mumbling something he scampered out of the hut. Kaede ushered her inside, over towards the mat I was lying on.

"Kagome...ye appear exhausted. Do ye wish to speak about it?"

Unconsciously I twitched. I didn't really have anything against Kaede, but, the woman just wouldn't...stop...saying...ye. If I really had been crazy, she would have been my next victim. But, like I said, I was still living in denial. I merely watched as Kagome looked up at the older woman. Her bottom lip trembled and she opened her mouth as if to speak. All that came out were small, muffled cries. Even with my acute hearing I couldn't pick up what she was saying to Kaede. She looked over at me, and I could see tears running down her cheeks.

"Oh, Inuyasha!" she cried and ran to me. My eyes widened to the size of saucers as she dropped to her knees and threw her arms around my neck. She buried her face into my chest, sobbing.

I was tense. No, not tense. Just terribly, terribly alert as she pulled back to look at me. She was still crying and sniffling, but I had no urge to comfort her. She blinked in confusion, as if she had just been expecting me to hold and soothe her until her tears ceased and she was able to tell me what was wrong. It was hard to pretend to be concerned with why she was hurting. I already knew; it was _my _doing after all, though I was still placing blame in her hands. I didn't have a chance to say anything to her –not that I know if I would have anyway- before Sango and Miroku rushed into the hut.

"Kami...Kagome what happened?" Sango questioned as she crouched down beside her.

Not bothering to transfer her crying form over to Sango, she answered. "A...a...friend of mine died three nights ago," she answered softly.

A friend? I kept back a growl. Why didn't she just say it? Why did she just come out and say that her lover had been murdered in cold blood only block away from her house?

"Kagome-san, I'm so sorry," Sango whispered.

"He was...murdered," she added softly.

I saw both Miroku and Sango trade apprehensive glances, then looked at me. I knew what they were thinking. Just three nights ago, hadn't I been going out for a walk? Had Kagome just said he? Now, they weren't the smartest people I'd ever met –not saying that I'm some type of genius or something- but they could have put two and two together. Kagome had a friend, a _male _friend, who had been killed three nights ago, when I had gone for my _walk_. They didn't say anything though, and for that I was thankful. Sango merely wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Do they...know who did it?" she questioned.

She shook her head. "Iie..." she answered.

I could see it in Sango's eyes, that slight flash of accusation. For a moment my entire body tensed. She knew. I was so sure that she knew. She had smelled the blood on my hands; saw wave after wave of guilt that consumed me. In an instant it was gone and I relaxed. She didn't know. Of _course _she didn't know. How could she? She was so busy wrapped up in that perverted houshi that she didn't see. For once, I was glad that Sango –as well as Miroku- was blind to everything else that was going on.

After that...it was a blur. A blur of tears and blood and memories. I didn't know what to say to her. I felt like comforting her. They were fleeting moments –those minutes when I wanted to hold her in my arms and kiss her tears away- only lasting a few mere minutes before I remember that it was just as much her fault as mine that he was dead.

I remember what happened next, though. I was sitting up in a tree, staring out into the inky blackness of the night sky. I heard her softly calling my name. I looked down and there she was. My breath caught, like it did sometimes when I saw her after awhile. Her raven hair spilled over her shoulders and there was a soft smile on her face as my name escaped her lips. I jumped down from the tree and kneeled next to her.

"Inuyasha," she said smiling sadly like she had been for the past few days. I stood up.

I was nervous. Oh Gods I think my entire body was trembling as she laced her hand through mine and pulled me towards a tree. I could tell –by the look in her eyes, the softness of her voice, the way her hand held mine so firmly- that she wanted to talk. About what, I had no idea. Had she figured it out? Did she know that it was me who had killed Hojo? Or...had she finally decided to confess?

We hadn't spoken –much anyway- since she had arrived back. Most of her time had been spent with Sango or Shippo or Kaede. They would all try to cheer her up, but nothing was working. I wondered about it for those few days- _obsessed _over it you could say. She was so sad, so completely drained every time I looked at her. How much had Hojo meant to her? Did she...love him?

I couldn't bear that thought. Couldn't stand it at all. I loved Kagome, and she loved me; she _had _to love me. Didn't she? That's the way the fairy tale went, wasn't it? The hero fought the villain and sacrificed everything to save the princess, and in return, she gave him her heart, and they lived together happily ever after.

"Inuyasha, we need to talk."

And I realized that I wasn't living a fairy tale.

"About what?" I asked, not daring to look up into her eyes. They would be my undoing. I couldn't look her straight in those dark, beautiful brown eyes without crumbling into a hundred shattered pieces.

"I have to leave tonight," she told me. "I need to go to Hojo's funeral."

I couldn't help but growl. How dare she? What the hell gave her the right to say _his _name; to talk to _me _about _him_.

"Go," I hissed through clenched teeth. I couldn't say anything else. I didn't trust myself to speak. If I said to much...I would end up confessing everything.

She looked nervous and bit her lip. "Inuyasha...I."

What, I wanted to ask. You love me? You hate me? You told me you wanted to be with me and then went and fucked him senseless? Yeah...I know. But I love you anyway.

I _thought _I did. I think I do. I'm not sure anymore; I wasn't sure then. I wouldn't have killed him if I didn't love her, right? But then...everything was so confusing. The emotions that I'd been pushing down were engulfing me and sometimes I could barely see straight; I didn't have time to re-evaluate everything I felt for her.

"Nani?" I questioned. "Kagome...if you have something to say just say it already." My voice had a slightly irritated tone, like it usually did.

She closed her eyes and let out a breath. Then, she lifted her gaze to look me in the eye. Her bangs –which had grown longer in the past few weeks- feel in front of her eyes, so I didn't have to look into them directly.

"It's nothing. I just felt like...feel like we haven't talked in a long time."

"What do we have to talk about?" I spit unconsciously. I desperately wanted to talk with her though. I wanted to ask her why she went to him. What did I do? Could I change it? Did she still love me? Did she still want me? Had she _ever_?

She flinched and frowned at me, her lips pouting a bit. She looked sweet like that, cute and innocent. But she wasn't. And neither was I. I had done so much and had so many sins piled upon me; she didn't have as much, but at that time, I felt she shared my flaws. We were both jaded; belonging together in our imperfections.

"Gomen Kagome-san," I apologized. "Look, I know your...hurting right now."

I don't remember exactly what I said. It was fuzzy. I looked deep into my soul and tried to find the most comforting words I could, although they were few and didn't have a great impact, mostly because I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for her. I couldn't feel pity; I don't do sympathy for anyone. I don't know what you call it; a contradiction, irony, or what, but while I could and still can feel the kind of guilt that was all consuming, I don't think there was drop of empathy in my soul.

I felt like crying with every word that I said, but I refused to stop; I would not show her any weakness. She could have seen though any cracks in my mask. I guess I said the right things, though I don't know how I managed. But I helped; I must have.

She kissed me.

My initial reaction was to push her way. She was dirty, she was used, she wasn't _mine_. She'd given her body –and possibly her heart- to Hojo. She'd shared kisses and touches more intimate then I could ever imagine with another man. She had him first; _wanted him _first. Not me...had it ever been me?

I kissed her back, unsurely, because I loved her and I was impure; I too had blood on my hands, and I thought she did too. At first it was innocent and I could have swore that she was going to pull away and start sputtering out apologizes. I was prepared for that; I was almost depending on it. I wasn't ready when she deepened the kiss. Didn't know what to do when she climbed in my lap. Couldn't move when one of her hands wrapped around the base of my neck and the other began running through my hair.

And I _responded_. I didn't know what else to do. I wrapped my arms around her small waist and pulled her even closer to me. I'd kissed before. Kikyo; both when she was alive and dead. But never...like that. I'd never really had anything more than those innocent touches and feather light kisses. Very cautiously, slowly, I deepened the kiss much had she had done, pushing my tongue against her own slightly. I did it right...I guess. She moaned into my mouth and I felt like cringing.

It wasn't _right._ It didn't feel right; physically or emotionally. Holding her I didn't mind. Having my arms wrapped around her petite warm frame calmed me. But kissing her, having my lips against her own, my limbs tangled with hers as our tongues mingled together, it was wrong. It felt like a sin. But I did anyway, because I felt like I owed it to her. It was making her feel better, and that was the least I could do, wasn't it? To comfort her. And that...it was what she wanted.

Did she want me for me, or was I just a replacement for the lover I'd ripped away from her? I didn't know; I didn't _want _to know. We broke the kiss, both of us breathing heavily. I bent my head down and brushed my lips over her jaw. I trailed soft kisses down her throat and she let out a soft noise, somewhere between a moan and whimper.

I had to, I had to, I had to. I kept repeating it over and over again my mind. This was for her; for Kagome. I loved her, I'd do anything for her. It never occurred to me to ask myself why _I _didn't want it. At that time I didn't think about it. I didn't think about the fact that I _should _have wanted this; that I should have wanted _her_. But...I didn't. I couldn't make myself. I wanted her heart, her love, her warm embraces, her spirit; but I didn't want her body.

I guess it was because someone had already taken it. It didn't seem fair for me to use something that wasn't mine. I knew that Hojo had taken at least that. But I wondered if maybe he hadn't taken everything else. Hadn't I had that first? Didn't her love still belong to me?

I felt her hands running down my neck and dipping underneath the cloth of my kimono, pale fingertips running over my skin. Her hands were cold and I had to fight not to flinch. I had to do this for her; it was the _least _I could do...for taking him away.

Then I stopped suddenly, jerking my head upwards. What in the hell was I thinking? Doing this for _her _because I what; I _owed _it to her. If I was doing this for her because I had killed Hojo, then I would be accepting the fact that his death was on my hands. I couldn't take that; I couldn't handle the thought that I had taken another life –while I was _somewhat_ sane. I didn't want that responsibility on my shoulders and mine alone.

I put my hands on her shoulders and pushed her off of me. She stared at me with wide shocked eyes, unable to fathom why I didn't want this.

"Inu...Inuyasha?" she whispered shakily.

I shook my head. "No, Kagome. We...we just can't."

She sat up then. Her eyes were still swimming with that slight confusion, but a sharp anger that I had never seen were also there. "I thought you cared about me," she said. "Was I wrong?"

Her tone was different then usual. It was filled with something I could only identify as anger, and hurt, and...something else I couldn't really identify. Fear? Disappointment?

"You know I..." I trailed off, unable to say anything.

"What?" she demanded. Her voice was harsh. She was angry.

I looked up and met her eyes, and I couldn't hold it back any longer. "Because you don't want _me _Kagome," I said and stood up. I stared down at her figure. She pulled her knees up to her chest and stared up at me, innocent in that fury that burned in her eyes. It was hard to be angry because she was so beautiful, but I finished it anyway. "You want him, don't you? He's dead so your just going to use me. I can't...I won't do that Kagome."

"Inuyasha..."

"No!" I told her. "I won't be his damn replacement Kagome. You want a fuck toy, go find Koga!"

I could smell tears and immediately regretted my words, but I didn't take them back. They were true...but still...I didn't really mean them. I didn't want her with Koga, I wanted her with me. I wanted her so badly...just...not like that.

"How dare you say anything to me about replacements Inuyasha!" she yelled bitterly as she pushed herself off the ground. "After her! After using me just because you couldn't have her, how dare you say anything to me about doing the same!"

"What?!" I screamed. "I didn't...I never..." I shook my head. "It's not the same thing!"

She narrowed her eyes at me. They spoke volumes of anger; I could almost _smell _her rage. "Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!"

I feel into the dirt –of course, what else would happen?- face first. My temple hit a rock and I groaned in pain. I could feel her eyes burning holes into my neck. I opened my eyes just in time to see her figure as she stomped away. She turned back to me, our eyes meeting for a moment. She opened her mouth like she was going to say something but quickly shut it again.

"Kagome!" I yelled. She didn't say anything. The last thing I saw was her raven her billowing out as she turned and began running away from me.

* * *

**Inuyasha- 00**

**He he...there was lime...**

**Inuyasha- You're sick! Twisted! Demented!  
Miroku- Will you bear my children?**

**Inuyasha- You made me so...**

**...bipolar?...**

**Inuyasha-...in this chapter. You portrayed me like I was some time of teenage girl and Kagome was forcing herself on me!**

**Hey, I thought it was rather interesting. You loving Kagome with all your black little heart but not wanting her body. Your making a statement! **

**Inuyasha- Whatever (rolls eyes) Review, please. It'd make her happy. And who knows, maybe something good will happen!  
Yeah right. You just keep your hopes up on that one, my little doggy-eared captive!**


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